>These days, I was faced with a lot of people who is either: 1) forgot that I just lost a loved one recently or 2) just plain insensitive. I’ll give you some examples:
- “Di bale, kahit namatay na yung nanay mo, may makukuha naman kayong pera” (Don’t worry, even if your mom died, you’ll get some money) – I got this remark a week after my Mom passed away. I got the shock of my life when she said it to me so plainly, so naturally. I wanted to shout at her but doing that would make me worse than her. So I just said, “ay, okay lang po na walang pera basta kasama ko po Mommy ko, okay na ako” (Even if I don’t have money, as long as my mom is with me, i’m okay)
- “Magkano kinita ng Nanay mo? Halika, maningil pa tayo!” (How much did your mom earn? Come on, let’s look for more!) – I stared at my Mom’s cousin who told me this. I wanted to shake her and tell her “Tita, look, my Mom is still in the coffin!” but then, she was so oblivious of the remark she just said and walked away.
- “Alam mo, para magka-pera ka, ibenta mo lahat ng gamit ng Nanay mo. Kikita ka pa!” (You know, if you want to have money, sell your Mom’s possessions and you’ll earn more!) – My gulay. I cannot believe i’m hearing this, coming from her own sister! I couldn’t believe it, words came out just like that. It has been less than a month and yet people talk about her like she has been gone for a long time! Her sister took it back later when I answered her back, but still, the abundance of the heart is what the mouth speaks.
Okay, I am maybe ranting right now. This entry might not be as inspiring as I planned it to be. But I just want to write about these insensitive remarks I got from people; and what’s worse is that some of them came from those closest to me, to us, to my Mom.
One can never move on when you lost someone, most especially if they’re one of your parents. You will always remember them, one way or another. In my case, my Mom’s unforgettable. Wherever I look here in our home, I can see her – washing plates, ironing, watching tv, cooking, or just smiling. Sometimes, i can still hear her telling me advices or voicing her opinions. It’s difficult coz my Mom is a very good person. Even if we fought a lot before, her opinions to my decisions matter a lot.
Acceptance is the key for you to continue your life even without that special loved one. Yes, I have accepted that Mom’s already with the Lord; but still, there are times that I forget, sometimes I was thinking that she’s just in Pampanga or Pasay, having her vacation, then it will eventually dawn to me that she’s not here anymore.
It has been 24 days since she went back to God. Sometimes, I still call her name when I get home, hoping she will answer and give me a kiss on the cheek or a welcoming hug. But I guess, that will never come anymore. I can only make her alive once more through our memories. And hoping that, through our memories, I will feel her warmth once more.
And as for those insensitive people around me… well, let my Mom take care of them. just kidding! I guess, i just have to extend my arms to love them more (and not my tongue to curse them). For it is the right thing to do; and let God take care of them.
God bless the insensitive people.
And may God extend my arms to love and tame my tongue.