can you see me? *wink*
Last Thursday, we had our usual Bible Study with Fr. Francis Gustilo in the Home Office and he was discussing with us about the end times in the Gospel of Matthew. After Mom’s death, I had a deeper appreciation about preparing ourselves for our own end time and not just reach that point and face it with regret, knowing that we are not ready yet.
I couldn’t remember what part of the Bible study it was mentioned but when Fr. Francis told us about the leap of faith, I was brought back to those times I had those moments last year (it was like I was in a trance or something). I always say that last year, 2010, was the most challenging and difficult year of my 27 years but, the most enriching experience. Last year was the many times my faith was tested; when I thought I would give up; when the cross that I was carrying was 100x heavier than the usual. Last year was the time when I asked God how faithful and loving He was, if He was really here with me, if He could get me and my family out of the misery we’re in.
I couldn’t help but smile because after all those questioning, those doubts, those uncertainties, my God still remained God. Yes, we had to go through a lot of pain and suffering, but these things had to happen for us to see the glory of God in the end. He didn’t leave us, just as what those who don’t know Him kept on saying to us. They thought that by getting my Mom early, we would be astray, far from Him. But I guess, the Lord has prepared each one of us so that we can face this challenge with high hopes and faith that He is the one who allowed this to happen and He will be the one to take care of us.
And 8 months after, we’re okay. Yes, we still miss Mom. We still have crying moments and difficult times remembering the pain and the suffering our Mom and family had to go through. But we remained steadfast. And we came out of the struggle, stronger in faith and in character. Knowing that the Lord, who created and saved us, who loved us so much that he gave His only begotten Son, is the same God and Father who comforted us, blessed us and guide us to recovery until we can say that He alone is our refuge and strength.
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As I was in that trance, flashes of memories came back to me during those difficult times last year – when I accompanied Mom during her last chemo, when I was crying in the office coz I was in confusion between working and staying with Mom, the time I was told by the doctor straight to my face that my Mom is dying, and many more. And while I was remembering these moments, I realized that the common thing about these things (aside from God’s ways of bringing me closer to Him) was that, during those times, it was Kuya Xavy, my immediate superior then, who encouraged me to continue and go on trusting the Lord. Yes, there were many who encouraged me during those times, but it was him who made my heart trust in his words and HIS words, and helped me to make the most difficult decisions I had to face in life. Yes, Kuya Xavy, you helped me to take those leaps of faith. And I thank you and thank God for you, for if I didn’t take those leaps, I don’t know what might happened to me and my family now.
It’s not even your birthday, but I want to thank you for being my Kuya, my mentor and my prayer warrior. And for believing and staying with me when I felt that the world was in my shoulders. =)