Today last year, I woke up beside you and saw you smile as I greeted you good morning and said our morning prayer together.
I didn’t know that it would be the last.
For a few hours later, after you’ve blessed me and Dad on our way to Manila, you breathed your last.
I wasn’t able to see that, Mom. We weren’t there.
But I guess that’s how you wanted us to remember you – smiling, loving, fighting till the end.
Days before, I didn’t know that I was about to lose you. I was still bargaining with the Lord to give you more time with us.
But you kept on telling me “I’m tired, anak. I wanted to rest na.” But I didn’t want you to. I was so selfish then.
Even in your deathbed Mom, we still argue about me taking care of you. But you always insisted that I should go, live my life and continue what I should do. I wonder if you asked me to do that because you didn’t want me to see you suffer.
But I realized, it’s because you are our mother. And it’s natural for you to give way for your children for them to be happy.
Yes, Mom, even in your dying days, it is still us you’ve been thinking. Never yourself, always only for our sake.
Today last year was the last time I talked to you, told you stories, sung for you, slept with you, took care of you, joked with you, laughed with you, prayed with you. And I would never trade that moment with anything else, Mom.
It was heart-breaking to remember all these things. I still cry, even while writing this now.
But this is my way of honoring you, of telling the whole world how I loved you (and will always will), how spending our last night together was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever done in my whole life.
You told me I’ve done enough for you as a daughter. That I would live my life to the full. That I would be able to reach my dreams and continue to serve the Lord. That I would be an amazing wife and great mom to my future family, just like you.
Those were your last message for me during our last conversation. And I will forever cherish them, Mom.
The Lord planned that it would be me to be with you at the most difficult times of your life. Maybe He knew that I’d be stronger to face all these things, compared to anyone in the family. And even if it breaks my heart to remember them, I am still thankful to the Lord that it is I who had to go through it with you. It was a privilege to suffer with you Mom, for it molded me to who I am right now – stronger, trusting and more faithful to God.
It has been a year, Mom. And I thank the Lord for we have survived, through His grace. May you continue to rest in peace, in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father.
I love you Mom. I miss you much. But I’m glad that you’re there with God. We’ll visit you again later. 🙂