I am afraid of newborns. Weird as it may sound from someone big and adult like me. A lot of people already laughed at me upon knowing THAT fear. I don’t know when it started but I just know that I’m afraid of carrying newborns because 1) they are so fragile I might break their bones; and 2) I always freak out whenever they start crying. Yes, I know. you might be chuckling by yourself as well upon reading my unbelievable reasons. But hey, we all got our own peculiarities, right?
But this morning, I challenged myself to overcome that. I visited my good friend who has been bugging me for a few days now to visit her at their home after giving birth. Since it was a holiday and I had my morning free, I asked another friend to go with me and gave our “persistent mother-friend” a surprise visit. After some exchange of BBMs and unending questions of when-will-you-have-time-to-visit-me conversations, she had this weird look when she saw us in front of their gate. I was happy to see her surprised face for a split second and happier to see my adopted nephew and niece!
Anyway, back to my fear of new-born. Her newly born is my god-daughter. Seeing her for the first time, she already captured me. She’s adorable! (Aren’t all babies are?) She’s quiet! I loved watching her, looking at her and even playing with her! What a tiny, beautiful creäture!
While the three of us were doing our catching up with each others lives, I decided to do a brave thing (for me!): Ask my friend to let me carry my god-daughter. I may looked so weird ‘coz i was really scared and even did a sign of the cross before finally carrying her. At first, I was so stiff while she was in my arms. But when my mother-friend told me to relax and affirmed me that the right way to carry the baby will come out eventually and naturally, it became a joy! I carried her for how many minutes and in different positions! I experienced a different sensation, an unexplainable happy feeling. That feeling that you can do this for a long time. That feeling that you also want to experience the fullness of being a woman – to be a good wife and a loving mom – and carry your own bundle of joy in your arms. That single moment of carrying my god-daughter changed my perspective and cleared out my mind of my fear of newborns. And I feel a grown-up and a woman after that.
I feel weird writing and reading this entry right now, but I realized in that brief moment with my god-daughter, she allowed me to see how beautiful motherhood can be and how a tiny, beautiful creature like her can really change someone’s life. Not only did she change her family’s but she really did change mine. And I do pray that when my own comes, i’m ready to be a good mom and prepared enough to take care of him/her/them.
Oh my sweet lord, I can’t wait for your great plans for me and my future family! =)