“Ninang, dito ka na lang. (Godmother, please stay)”
That’s what my inaanak told me earlier when I was about to leave and said goodbye to her.
For a split second, I just looked at her and really wanted to stay, just like what she wanted. But I had to leave. I had things to do. I had to go somewhere else.
So even if it was a little difficult, I explained it to her that I can’t, said goodbye and left as fast as I could. Hangga’t kaya pa.
I wonder… how many times did we want someone to stay in our lives and yet, they had to go? How many situations, experiences, moments we wanted to last, but eventually we have to leave for some reason? How many more people are we going to ask to stay, or them asking us to stay, and we can eventually give them a piece of your time and be with them for a change?
For the past two years, there were a few people who left me and I never did anything to make them stay. I just watched them go and do their own thing while I mend my broken heart and continue to ask myself the ‘what ifs’. I also did my own share of leaving, sometimes without letting the other person know, for some reasonable (and not) explanations, and also had my own share of asking myself, what if I stayed.
My inaanak taught me a valuable lesson that I will bring this year: BE HONEST WITH WHAT YOU WANT. If you want that person to stay, tell him/her. That person may/may not stay but at least you know his/her choice. You’ll not be left wondering why he/she is leaving or why is that his/her decision.
When I explained to my inaanak that I had to leave because of a prior commitment, she just replied with ‘balik ka dito uli ha? (come back here again, okay?)‘, with a big smile on her face. It was a warm feeling that someone was asking you to stay, but I guess, what a better feeling is that, you know the reason why that person is leaving and you are not clueless and wondering alone.